Hello Kaelan, I love your storybook introduction! I love how you have chosen a topic that is not directly related to our readings in The Ramayana and The Mahabharata, but is still connected because both stories include an incarnation of Vishnu and The Buddha is seen as the ninth incarnation of Vishnu in Hinduism. Because of that connection, will your storybook contain any mention of Vishnu’s lives as Rama and Krishna, or is it solely about The Buddha and Buddhism? Either way, this is a very solid introduction to begin your storybook project on. There are only two things I could suggest in your editing and they are very minor issues. Firstly, in the second In the second to last sentence, significant is misspelled. I often have small misspellings like that in parts of my storybook project, it’s so hard to catch them all! Secondly, would it be too disruptive to your story plan to include information about “The Four Sights” in your introduction? If that is something you plan to introduce later in one of your stories, then disregard my suggestion, I just thought the introduction would be a good place to elaborate more about them. Either way, great job!
Hi Kaelan! I really like the path your chose for your storybook! Most storybooks I have read, including my own, focus on elements pertaining to Hinduism, and though Hinduism is the most practiced religion in India, it is not the only religion practiced. Buddhism is just as relevant and also has many similarities to Hinduism, so I’m excited to read about Buddhism and its history as well as the crossover between what you are teaching us and what we have learned thus far about Hinduism. One thing I will say is that I wonder if your introduction could be a little bit longer. However, I don’t want your to feel like you need to add more information just for the sake of lengthening it but instead finding more information that is relevant to your stories. If you are happy with what you have, then don’t fix what isn’t broken. I only made that note because it is a little bit on the shorter side, so is there more about his family history and their customs and practices that could relate to him changing his life? I understand though that you may be saving this information for your stories, which is why the introduction does not have a ton of references and background. I think your introduction leaves the reader with a lot of intrigue, so I’m excited to see where this storybook goes!
Hey Kaelan, great story that you retold about part of the Ramayana. I like how you made it more of a modern day version of the story and made it take place in modern day America. I think this method of retelling the story can make it easier for the reader to understand and follow. It was a good story of perseverance. After Emily passed away, Mike stood true to his word and finished his journey. Even though this story was a little short and the death was just thrown on you, I think that the emotions you feel are the same. The dog being able to talk made it seem like a friendlier story, and it could keep the reader engaged if you keep the talking animal tradition going. Overall, a pretty good story though. I look forward to keeping up with your blog and reading your next story.
Hey Kaelan! Your cover page for your storybook is absolutely stunning. It reminds me of a time when I went to India and saw a life-size Buddha statue. It just gives off a sense of calm and serenity. I like how in the introduction you decided to tell the readers who the story is going to be about and how the storybook is going to be broken down. It is important to mention if the stories are related or not. You did a great job in mentioning that the stories are broken down into sections but overall connected in a way. The introduction is very informing and educating. I have a suggestion which you can disregard if you do not agree, but I was thinking perhaps you could add more information regarding your topic to the introduction page. I just left like there was not enough. Your last image of a monk standing on a piece of rock fits your theme of the story very well. It adds that sense of calm like your cover image on the home page did and your other picture on the introduction page. Good job, and I cannot wait until this storybook is completed.
Hey Kaelan! I love the opening page for your storybook. It’s a gorgeous picture, and I really feel like it captures a certain tone for your website. I also think the title of your storybook is creative and enticing. Your intro is very good as well. You do a good job of providing background information for your topic. It is very factual, and I wonder if you might like to add more details about the stories that you’re planning on telling and about who Siddhartha Gautama is as a person, at least through how you will be telling his life story. The intro is written in a very academic way as well, and I think you might consider editing it to remove some passive voice and complex sentences to make the text more engaging. I do really love the picture you selected for your intro page. Again, it captures the mood of the whole website. I’m excited to learn more about Buddhism through your Storybook!
Hello! I really liked your book as I could relate my readings to it and understand it really well! I read on Rama Sita and Vishnu in human form. This story also included the incarnation of Vishnu but also talked about Bhudda which I had not read about. I liked seeing how they were from one another's lives! I did not know this. I liked the images you chose and your writing style as well. If I were to change anything it would be to check your tenses as I felt you maybe confused them something while writing the story between the incarnations-while describing them. Overall, good job and I wish you the best with the rest of this class!
Hi Kaelan! I really enjoyed the layout of your storybook! It is very easy to navigate and simple yet very calming. Your introduction is a good length without being too wordy, and still gets all the information needed across. Giving a good detailed background about Siddhartha Gautama is good because even if some people do know who that is, a refresher is always good and make a story flow much better for the reader. It's cool that you will be sharing important milestones and I think that will bring more meaning and excitement to the life of Siddhartha Gautama. I also find it interesting that you are choosing to center your storybook on Buddhism and I can't wait to see what you come up with! One thing that I think could use some clarification and is a quick fix is just looking over the tenses that you use throughout because at some points they don't match up. I'm excited to learn more about Buddhism!
I liked your re-telling of this story! I have always enjoyed reading versions of this story (if you are interested, there is a great book called "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse). I think it would be interesting to add some of your own spin on this story- what do you want to pay more attention to that was not talked about so much in the version that you read? One example of something that you could talk about in this context is that the King's actions to protect Siddhartha from becoming a monk are exactly what push him into becoming one. Who knows, maybe if Siddhartha hadn't been so sheltered from the suffering of the world he would not have been driven into such a deep existential crisis and would therefore not have become a monk. There are lots of interesting fate vs fatalism vibes to explore here. Overall great job!
Hi Kaelan! I LOVED this story! I got a very powerful message that related to our life now from it. You really do not understand anything about the vast properties of life until you experience it. You may know that homeless people exist, but you will never know the trials and suffering they experience unless you have yourself (as an example). You can only expand your understanding by actually seeing and experiencing things other people go through. I think a few words would work better in some of your sentences like "In Buddhism, The Four Sights are known as and can be described as the.." I think shortening it to "In Buddhism, The Four Sights are known and described as.." That is so nit-picky but it is honestly the only advice I can give on this post because it is so incredible!!!!
Hi Kaelan, Over these next few weeks I've actually decided to read the this story of how Siddhartha Gautama lived his life in order to become the Buddha. I'm only a week into it, but I have to say it's very fascinating and unlike any ancient epic I've ever read. I like how you've decided to write the entire story in your own words from the third person, but what if you added some form of quotations and dialogue? The one I'm reading right now is like this, and it's very easy for me to connect and relate to Siddhartha, the king, and his mother Maya. I only read to the point of where I've gotten to in my reading so there wouldn't be any spoilers. :) I also have to say your page layout and title page make your storybook extremely engaging in order to draw the reader in. I think it's great though, Kaelan!
Hi Kaelan! I’m glad to be back this week to see how your storybook has come along, and I’m very impressed with what you’ve done! I like how your storybook tells the story of Siddhartha Gautama while also providing occasional interjections about why the lessons he learns are important to his spiritual journey. It makes your storybook very enlightening and educational while still engaging my attention. Since this week’s feedback theme is paragraphing, I will say that I noticed some inconsistencies between the way you did paragraphs in the three sections you have finished right now. In your intro, you use an extra line of space between some paragraphs, and there are no indentations. Then in your first part, the paragraphs are all next to each other, and they are indented. Finally, your second part goes back to non-indented paragraphs. I would consider deciding which style you like best and ensuring your formatting is consistent across your storybook. I really enjoyed reading your entries and wish you luck on finishing up the semester!
Hi Kaelan! Nice story book, but I noticed your part 3 was missing a story at the moment. I don't know if you meant to leave it there as a placeholder or not, but just something to make note of in case you're missing a story! Your storybook is a nice detour from the normal focus on tales from the Ramayana, and teaching the journey of Siddhartha Gautama is a pleasant read. For part 1 of your story, your paragraphs could use indents along with the paragraph breaks to help distinguish the paragraphs in a more proper manner. Your part 2 is also inconsistent, with the paragraphs being indented up until the author's note. There, they go back to being aligned to the left of the page. Your introduction is entirely different from page 1 and 2, with every single paragraph being centered, with line breaks in between. It would be helpful to keep a consistent theme throughout the entire blog.
Hi Kaelan! I really enjoyed reading your part 1 of your story book! You did a very good job introducing the story and introducing the characters. It was very interesting to read how you tell a story of a man basically learn how life works through different people he met. Each one had a different aspect of life that the man could learn from. It was crazy to see him leave his family because of all the information he learned from his experiences. It was very interesting to see him see the world for how it really is and then change his whole life around and go down a completely different path spiritually . I really enjoyed reading your story and I thought you did a very good job and hope you finished your semester strong! Good luck to you in the future!
Hello Kaelan, I love your storybook introduction! I love how you have chosen a topic that is not directly related to our readings in The Ramayana and The Mahabharata, but is still connected because both stories include an incarnation of Vishnu and The Buddha is seen as the ninth incarnation of Vishnu in Hinduism. Because of that connection, will your storybook contain any mention of Vishnu’s lives as Rama and Krishna, or is it solely about The Buddha and Buddhism? Either way, this is a very solid introduction to begin your storybook project on. There are only two things I could suggest in your editing and they are very minor issues. Firstly, in the second
ReplyDeleteIn the second to last sentence, significant is misspelled. I often have small misspellings like that in parts of my storybook project, it’s so hard to catch them all! Secondly, would it be too disruptive to your story plan to include information about “The Four Sights” in your introduction? If that is something you plan to introduce later in one of your stories, then disregard my suggestion, I just thought the introduction would be a good place to elaborate more about them. Either way, great job!
Hi Kaelan!
ReplyDeleteI really like the path your chose for your storybook! Most storybooks I have read, including my own, focus on elements pertaining to Hinduism, and though Hinduism is the most practiced religion in India, it is not the only religion practiced. Buddhism is just as relevant and also has many similarities to Hinduism, so I’m excited to read about Buddhism and its history as well as the crossover between what you are teaching us and what we have learned thus far about Hinduism. One thing I will say is that I wonder if your introduction could be a little bit longer. However, I don’t want your to feel like you need to add more information just for the sake of lengthening it but instead finding more information that is relevant to your stories. If you are happy with what you have, then don’t fix what isn’t broken. I only made that note because it is a little bit on the shorter side, so is there more about his family history and their customs and practices that could relate to him changing his life? I understand though that you may be saving this information for your stories, which is why the introduction does not have a ton of references and background. I think your introduction leaves the reader with a lot of intrigue, so I’m excited to see where this storybook goes!
Hey Kaelan, great story that you retold about part of the Ramayana. I like how you made it more of a modern day version of the story and made it take place in modern day America. I think this method of retelling the story can make it easier for the reader to understand and follow. It was a good story of perseverance. After Emily passed away, Mike stood true to his word and finished his journey. Even though this story was a little short and the death was just thrown on you, I think that the emotions you feel are the same. The dog being able to talk made it seem like a friendlier story, and it could keep the reader engaged if you keep the talking animal tradition going. Overall, a pretty good story though. I look forward to keeping up with your blog and reading your next story.
ReplyDeleteHey Kaelan!
ReplyDeleteYour cover page for your storybook is absolutely stunning. It reminds me of a time when I went to India and saw a life-size Buddha statue. It just gives off a sense of calm and serenity. I like how in the introduction you decided to tell the readers who the story is going to be about and how the storybook is going to be broken down. It is important to mention if the stories are related or not. You did a great job in mentioning that the stories are broken down into sections but overall connected in a way. The introduction is very informing and educating. I have a suggestion which you can disregard if you do not agree, but I was thinking perhaps you could add more information regarding your topic to the introduction page. I just left like there was not enough. Your last image of a monk standing on a piece of rock fits your theme of the story very well. It adds that sense of calm like your cover image on the home page did and your other picture on the introduction page. Good job, and I cannot wait until this storybook is completed.
Hey Kaelan!
ReplyDeleteI love the opening page for your storybook. It’s a gorgeous picture, and I really feel like it captures a certain tone for your website. I also think the title of your storybook is creative and enticing. Your intro is very good as well. You do a good job of providing background information for your topic. It is very factual, and I wonder if you might like to add more details about the stories that you’re planning on telling and about who Siddhartha Gautama is as a person, at least through how you will be telling his life story. The intro is written in a very academic way as well, and I think you might consider editing it to remove some passive voice and complex sentences to make the text more engaging. I do really love the picture you selected for your intro page. Again, it captures the mood of the whole website. I’m excited to learn more about Buddhism through your Storybook!
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your book as I could relate my readings to it and understand it really well! I read on Rama Sita and Vishnu in human form. This story also included the incarnation of Vishnu but also talked about Bhudda which I had not read about. I liked seeing how they were from one another's lives! I did not know this. I liked the images you chose and your writing style as well. If I were to change anything it would be to check your tenses as I felt you maybe confused them something while writing the story between the incarnations-while describing them. Overall, good job and I wish you the best with the rest of this class!
Hi Kaelan!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the layout of your storybook! It is very easy to navigate and simple yet very calming. Your introduction is a good length without being too wordy, and still gets all the information needed across. Giving a good detailed background about Siddhartha Gautama is good because even if some people do know who that is, a refresher is always good and make a story flow much better for the reader. It's cool that you will be sharing important milestones and I think that will bring more meaning and excitement to the life of Siddhartha Gautama. I also find it interesting that you are choosing to center your storybook on Buddhism and I can't wait to see what you come up with! One thing that I think could use some clarification and is a quick fix is just looking over the tenses that you use throughout because at some points they don't match up. I'm excited to learn more about Buddhism!
I liked your re-telling of this story! I have always enjoyed reading versions of this story (if you are interested, there is a great book called "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse). I think it would be interesting to add some of your own spin on this story- what do you want to pay more attention to that was not talked about so much in the version that you read? One example of something that you could talk about in this context is that the King's actions to protect Siddhartha from becoming a monk are exactly what push him into becoming one. Who knows, maybe if Siddhartha hadn't been so sheltered from the suffering of the world he would not have been driven into such a deep existential crisis and would therefore not have become a monk. There are lots of interesting fate vs fatalism vibes to explore here. Overall great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Kaelan!
ReplyDeleteI LOVED this story! I got a very powerful message that related to our life now from it. You really do not understand anything about the vast properties of life until you experience it. You may know that homeless people exist, but you will never know the trials and suffering they experience unless you have yourself (as an example). You can only expand your understanding by actually seeing and experiencing things other people go through. I think a few words would work better in some of your sentences like "In Buddhism, The Four Sights are known as and can be described as the.." I think shortening it to "In Buddhism, The Four Sights are known and described as.." That is so nit-picky but it is honestly the only advice I can give on this post because it is so incredible!!!!
Hi Kaelan,
ReplyDeleteOver these next few weeks I've actually decided to read the this story of how Siddhartha Gautama lived his life in order to become the Buddha. I'm only a week into it, but I have to say it's very fascinating and unlike any ancient epic I've ever read. I like how you've decided to write the entire story in your own words from the third person, but what if you added some form of quotations and dialogue? The one I'm reading right now is like this, and it's very easy for me to connect and relate to Siddhartha, the king, and his mother Maya. I only read to the point of where I've gotten to in my reading so there wouldn't be any spoilers. :) I also have to say your page layout and title page make your storybook extremely engaging in order to draw the reader in. I think it's great though, Kaelan!
Hi Kaelan! I’m glad to be back this week to see how your storybook has come along, and I’m very impressed with what you’ve done! I like how your storybook tells the story of Siddhartha Gautama while also providing occasional interjections about why the lessons he learns are important to his spiritual journey. It makes your storybook very enlightening and educational while still engaging my attention. Since this week’s feedback theme is paragraphing, I will say that I noticed some inconsistencies between the way you did paragraphs in the three sections you have finished right now. In your intro, you use an extra line of space between some paragraphs, and there are no indentations. Then in your first part, the paragraphs are all next to each other, and they are indented. Finally, your second part goes back to non-indented paragraphs. I would consider deciding which style you like best and ensuring your formatting is consistent across your storybook.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your entries and wish you luck on finishing up the semester!
Hi Kaelan! Nice story book, but I noticed your part 3 was missing a story at the moment. I don't know if you meant to leave it there as a placeholder or not, but just something to make note of in case you're missing a story! Your storybook is a nice detour from the normal focus on tales from the Ramayana, and teaching the journey of Siddhartha Gautama is a pleasant read. For part 1 of your story, your paragraphs could use indents along with the paragraph breaks to help distinguish the paragraphs in a more proper manner. Your part 2 is also inconsistent, with the paragraphs being indented up until the author's note. There, they go back to being aligned to the left of the page. Your introduction is entirely different from page 1 and 2, with every single paragraph being centered, with line breaks in between. It would be helpful to keep a consistent theme throughout the entire blog.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaelan! I really enjoyed reading your part 1 of your story book! You did a very good job introducing the story and introducing the characters. It was very interesting to read how you tell a story of a man basically learn how life works through different people he met. Each one had a different aspect of life that the man could learn from. It was crazy to see him leave his family because of all the information he learned from his experiences. It was very interesting to see him see the world for how it really is and then change his whole life around and go down a completely different path spiritually . I really enjoyed reading your story and I thought you did a very good job and hope you finished your semester strong! Good luck to you in the future!
ReplyDelete