Comment Wall

 Comment Wall 

Link to my Storybook: https://sites.google.com/view/enlightenedone/home

Comments

  1. Hello Kaelan, I love your storybook introduction! I love how you have chosen a topic that is not directly related to our readings in The Ramayana and The Mahabharata, but is still connected because both stories include an incarnation of Vishnu and The Buddha is seen as the ninth incarnation of Vishnu in Hinduism. Because of that connection, will your storybook contain any mention of Vishnu’s lives as Rama and Krishna, or is it solely about The Buddha and Buddhism? Either way, this is a very solid introduction to begin your storybook project on. There are only two things I could suggest in your editing and they are very minor issues. Firstly, in the second
    In the second to last sentence, significant is misspelled. I often have small misspellings like that in parts of my storybook project, it’s so hard to catch them all! Secondly, would it be too disruptive to your story plan to include information about “The Four Sights” in your introduction? If that is something you plan to introduce later in one of your stories, then disregard my suggestion, I just thought the introduction would be a good place to elaborate more about them. Either way, great job!

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  2. Hi Kaelan!
    I really like the path your chose for your storybook! Most storybooks I have read, including my own, focus on elements pertaining to Hinduism, and though Hinduism is the most practiced religion in India, it is not the only religion practiced. Buddhism is just as relevant and also has many similarities to Hinduism, so I’m excited to read about Buddhism and its history as well as the crossover between what you are teaching us and what we have learned thus far about Hinduism. One thing I will say is that I wonder if your introduction could be a little bit longer. However, I don’t want your to feel like you need to add more information just for the sake of lengthening it but instead finding more information that is relevant to your stories. If you are happy with what you have, then don’t fix what isn’t broken. I only made that note because it is a little bit on the shorter side, so is there more about his family history and their customs and practices that could relate to him changing his life? I understand though that you may be saving this information for your stories, which is why the introduction does not have a ton of references and background. I think your introduction leaves the reader with a lot of intrigue, so I’m excited to see where this storybook goes!

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  3. Hey Kaelan, great story that you retold about part of the Ramayana. I like how you made it more of a modern day version of the story and made it take place in modern day America. I think this method of retelling the story can make it easier for the reader to understand and follow. It was a good story of perseverance. After Emily passed away, Mike stood true to his word and finished his journey. Even though this story was a little short and the death was just thrown on you, I think that the emotions you feel are the same. The dog being able to talk made it seem like a friendlier story, and it could keep the reader engaged if you keep the talking animal tradition going. Overall, a pretty good story though. I look forward to keeping up with your blog and reading your next story.

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  4. Hey Kaelan!
    Your cover page for your storybook is absolutely stunning. It reminds me of a time when I went to India and saw a life-size Buddha statue. It just gives off a sense of calm and serenity. I like how in the introduction you decided to tell the readers who the story is going to be about and how the storybook is going to be broken down. It is important to mention if the stories are related or not. You did a great job in mentioning that the stories are broken down into sections but overall connected in a way. The introduction is very informing and educating. I have a suggestion which you can disregard if you do not agree, but I was thinking perhaps you could add more information regarding your topic to the introduction page. I just left like there was not enough. Your last image of a monk standing on a piece of rock fits your theme of the story very well. It adds that sense of calm like your cover image on the home page did and your other picture on the introduction page. Good job, and I cannot wait until this storybook is completed.

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  5. Hey Kaelan!
    I love the opening page for your storybook. It’s a gorgeous picture, and I really feel like it captures a certain tone for your website. I also think the title of your storybook is creative and enticing. Your intro is very good as well. You do a good job of providing background information for your topic. It is very factual, and I wonder if you might like to add more details about the stories that you’re planning on telling and about who Siddhartha Gautama is as a person, at least through how you will be telling his life story. The intro is written in a very academic way as well, and I think you might consider editing it to remove some passive voice and complex sentences to make the text more engaging. I do really love the picture you selected for your intro page. Again, it captures the mood of the whole website. I’m excited to learn more about Buddhism through your Storybook!

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  6. Hello!
    I really liked your book as I could relate my readings to it and understand it really well! I read on Rama Sita and Vishnu in human form. This story also included the incarnation of Vishnu but also talked about Bhudda which I had not read about. I liked seeing how they were from one another's lives! I did not know this. I liked the images you chose and your writing style as well. If I were to change anything it would be to check your tenses as I felt you maybe confused them something while writing the story between the incarnations-while describing them. Overall, good job and I wish you the best with the rest of this class!

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  7. Hi Kaelan!
    I really enjoyed the layout of your storybook! It is very easy to navigate and simple yet very calming. Your introduction is a good length without being too wordy, and still gets all the information needed across. Giving a good detailed background about Siddhartha Gautama is good because even if some people do know who that is, a refresher is always good and make a story flow much better for the reader. It's cool that you will be sharing important milestones and I think that will bring more meaning and excitement to the life of Siddhartha Gautama. I also find it interesting that you are choosing to center your storybook on Buddhism and I can't wait to see what you come up with! One thing that I think could use some clarification and is a quick fix is just looking over the tenses that you use throughout because at some points they don't match up. I'm excited to learn more about Buddhism!

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  8. I liked your re-telling of this story! I have always enjoyed reading versions of this story (if you are interested, there is a great book called "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse). I think it would be interesting to add some of your own spin on this story- what do you want to pay more attention to that was not talked about so much in the version that you read? One example of something that you could talk about in this context is that the King's actions to protect Siddhartha from becoming a monk are exactly what push him into becoming one. Who knows, maybe if Siddhartha hadn't been so sheltered from the suffering of the world he would not have been driven into such a deep existential crisis and would therefore not have become a monk. There are lots of interesting fate vs fatalism vibes to explore here. Overall great job!

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  9. Hi Kaelan!
    I LOVED this story! I got a very powerful message that related to our life now from it. You really do not understand anything about the vast properties of life until you experience it. You may know that homeless people exist, but you will never know the trials and suffering they experience unless you have yourself (as an example). You can only expand your understanding by actually seeing and experiencing things other people go through. I think a few words would work better in some of your sentences like "In Buddhism, The Four Sights are known as and can be described as the.." I think shortening it to "In Buddhism, The Four Sights are known and described as.." That is so nit-picky but it is honestly the only advice I can give on this post because it is so incredible!!!!

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